How to Achieve Self-Confidence: The Power of Reference Experiences

Hey, what’s up? In this blog post, let’s talk about how to achieve self-confidence through the power of reference experiences.

Wait, what? What is a reference experience, Edwin?

Glad you asked.

A reference experience is the experience to know how to react in certain situations.

For example, there might be a girl you like and you want to get her number. If you’ve never done this before, you have zero reference experiences when it comes to this specific situation. You have no idea how you should behave or say or not say at this moment.

But let’s say you’re motivated. You’re ready. You want to get some motherfucking numbers! Instead of giving up because you don’t know what to do, you attack it head on. You go and ask 10 different girls for their numbers.

Guess what?

You now have 10 reference experiences under your belt. You’ve developed a solid idea of what you should do in these type of situations.

That’s what reference experience are. They give you the confidence to know how to behave in certain situations.

How to Achieve Self-Confidence

I know you want to improve your confidence. You want to be more outgoing. You want to be more social. You want to be in your prime.

What I also know is, you’re probably watching way too many videos. You’re probably reading way too many books. You’re probably listening to way too much advice.

That’s great and all, but here’s the difference maker: Are you TAKING MASSIVE ACTION on what you’re learning?

This whole self-improvement thing can become super addictive. It’s easy to get stuck in a loop of thinking you don’t know enough. You start telling yourself, “Okay, one more video, one more book, one more thing, one more that”, and you end up not going out and applying what you’ve learned.

That’s not how you grow.

The Power of Reference Experiences

Here’s something you have to remember – OPINIONS DON’T MATTER!

I could tell you how to do something one way and somebody else could tell you how to do something another way, but until you go and actually do it yourself, you’ll never truly understand how to do it. Until you see how it works with you, your personality, your delivery, or anything else about you, it doesn’t mean anything.

If you don’t have those reference experiences under your belt, you could learn all the theory and information in the world, but it won’t mean jack shit because you’ve never done it yourself.

conor mcgregor motivation

Quick story…

I used to play varsity basketball for my high school back in the day. I used to think I could ball up and score on ANYBODY I wanted. You would think with all this “confidence” I would perform really well in games?


I had all the skills in the world, but didn’t have the mental side down.

I had zero reference experiences of what I had to do to score in a game. All the drills, all the workout plans, all the theory didn’t mean anything unless I could actually use it to produce numbers in a game.

At the end of the day, reference experiences are all that matter when it comes to confidence.

It doesn’t matter in what area you want to improve in, if you don’t dive in headfirst and get those (at times painful) but much-needed reference experiences, you’ll never be as good as you could be.

You have to put yourself out there more. You have to face your fears. You have to go take action.

Stop being an expert and start being a person who goes out and lives it. Stop forming opinions.

– Owen Cook (Dating and Relationships Expert)

It’s 80% psychology and it’s 20% mechanics. See, if you know what to do, but you don’t figure out the why, you don’t figure out how to shift yourself, you don’t understand the combination of the system of action or the system inside you that gets you to follow through, then you could know all the stuff and it’s going to be worthless.

– Tony Robbins (World Famous Motivational Speaker)

It’s important to not get stuck in learning mode, but to get stuck in action mode instead.

What are your thoughts on reference experiences? Leave a comment below and let me know!

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